A PARODY OF MARC ANTONY’S FUNERAL SPEECH Author-A Maths FearingStudent Friends, Scholars, And Fellow-Sufferers, Lend Me Yours Ears, I Come To Criticize Mathematics, Not To Praise It. The Evils That Former Geniuses Invented, Lives After Them; The Good Is Lost In The Sands of Time; So It Is With Mathematics. The Noble Maths Teachers Have Told You, Mathematics Is Interesting, If It Were So, I Have Failed to Appreciate It- And Failing To Appreciate, Have Failed In it. Here, Under The Leave of The Principal And Teachers

For They Are All Honourable People, Come I To Speak Of The Ordeal Of Mathematics. Maths Is Complicating, Nauseating, And Frightening To Me But Our Maths Teachers Say, “It Is Interesting And Easy” And They Are Honourable Men. Many A Time we Are Given Sums Whose Complexities Did Leave Us Reeling, Does This Make It Interesting? When The Poor Students Failed, The Maths Teachers Routed And Roared. Mathematics Should Be Made Easier Or Abolished Yet The Maths Teachers Say “It Is Easy! ” And They Are All Capable Men. You Have All Observed During The Year,

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As The Maths Teachers Walk Into The Class, The Students Sweat And Swoon. Is It Necessary? Yet Our Maths Teachers Say It Is Necessary, And Sure, They Are Capable Men. I Speak Not To Disprove What These Teachers Say; But Here I Am To Speak What I Do Know. You All Did Try To Pass Mathematics, But Without Success. Isn’t That What Causes To Hate Schooling? O’ Education! Where Is The Justification? Have All Educationists Lost Their Reason? Bear With Me, I Must Stop Now; My Fear for Mathematics Allows Me To Go No Further.

I Must Pause Till Reason Come Back To Our Educators. Till Yesterday, We Bore The Rigours Of Maths Silently But Now We Must Rethink Our Goals. It Is Not That We Need To Do Away With Mathematics, But Just Make It More Bearable. O’ Friends, If I Were To Stir You Up Against Mathematics I Should Do The School Wrong And The Maths Teachers Wrong Who You All Know Are Capable Men. I Will Not Do Them Wrong, I Rather Choose To Wrong The System,To Wrong myself And You; Than To Wrong such Honourable Men. *——————-*

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